How do I convince myself that things have come to this point in my life? Twenty-one years have passed what seems faster than I can even stop to contemplate the last few days. At times I wonder “what have I missed out on?” Sometimes the greatest moments of your life happen right before your eyes, but it seems we are blind to what’s in front of us. It isn’t until time triggers your memory of the past until you realize such times of glory. I ask myself about these times: “was I living them to the fullest?” It’s been almost three years since what I consider the worst period of my life- a time full of loss. Lost love, lost friends, lost family, lost jobs… lost… Today I sit here, miles away from what I was sure would be a perfect marriage, a lifetime of happiness. Today I sit here, miles away from the funerals, miles away from a life that sucked me into repetition, cast away my dreams and aspirations, dared me to give up, and teased my soul with false hopes.

At least I can say I did something about it. Right or wrong, I made my decisions. I paved my way through an endless trail of forks and circles. I’ve proven them wrong, and I’ve seen where they were coming from. I’ve failed more times than I’ve learned from my mistakes. On higher ground, I stand and see what I’ve left behind, what I’ve accomplished… I stand full of fucking pride. I tighten my shoes, tighten my faith, and turn to see what’s in front of me. What’s in front of me? Narrow and undefined, holes and barriers… I can see the top, but I can’t see behind it… a vast and empty ocean perhaps? Or a slow and steady downfall?

I ask myself what am I to make of all this? The hell if I know… but I’m here aren’t I? People claim that everything happens for a reason, but isn’t that the natural outcome of every choice? Had things happened differently, would you not still say that they happened for a reason? I could give you a textbook explanation of how I got here, or why I’m here, but to be honest with you, I don’t know. It seems my life is a journey and at the same time, I’m waiting for something to happen.

If life is a journey, expect the worst and hope for the best. You will fall, maybe someone will catch you. You will crawl, and you will get up, maybe with someone’s help. Don’t hesitate to carry or be carried. Walk and live. Notice the air and colors change with the seasons. Watch the clouds, awe the sunset. Keep your head up, but look where you’re going. Take moments to see how far you’ve gone, but don’t dwell. Don’t be afraid to stick your thumb out (or your neck for that matter.) You never know where someone might take you. You have regrets, don’t be naïve. Carry them with you, along with your victories. Learn from them both. Don’t fill your mind with things you could have, should have done, or things you can’t control- trust me, it impairs your ability to live your life.

Life as it appears, is a journey, and it is what you make it. The only certainty is that life is everything whatsoever.