How have I managed to fuck my life up so badly? The one thing good I had going for me, yeah well I managed to scare that off too. Emotional baggage is what they’ll tag me. Leave me behind with the rest, maybe we’ll sort ourselves out. I always manage to open my mouth at the wrong times, and I’m always biting my lip when I shouldn’t be. Backwards yes. Kind of like the way I’m traveling. I’d come so far from where I was and now I find myself going back home. Home. What irony. The good news is I got into my college, the bad news is that I can’t afford to go. The good news is that at least I know there are people out there who care about me and who make me laugh and constantly amaze me by their beauty and wonderful mind. The bad news is… well… Damn my situation, on so many levels. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way, a nostalgia with a new perspective, and new pain. This wasn’t supposed to happen, none of it was. It’s amazing how fast gravity pulls you down from the top of the world, and sucks you under into a dark abyss- so far until you can’t see the light above you, which by the way, makes it a hell of a hard hole to climb out of. But wait, everything happens for a reason right? Maybe I’ll learn something from all of this… great. The more I learn, the more I can’t understand- that’s the way the subject sings to me. Alone this time and not so much alive. For the first time in my life I honestly don’t know what to do. That’s not right though because I fix things, by nature I figure out the problem, approach it from different angles, apply my knowledge and experience, and there’s my solution. I guess I haven’t quite learned how to fix myself. Struggling for words now. Empty.

Until next time,

“It’s a lonely bitter end.” - Aaron James