Wassup guys this is Jen. The fact that Jeff isn’t typing this post might be a shock to everyone, but I walked in on him and made him let me say a few words. First off, Jeff is a really cool guy if ya’ll didn’t know already. He is the most nicest, intelligent, interesting, considerate, genuine, and respectful guy I have met in Savannah so far. I moved down here in August to go to college since Savannah is close to the Beach.. hehe =) I have met many great people down here, but Jeff seems to be at the top of my list. I met him one night downtown through my friend Alison(NOT the Allison is all his freakin’ pictures). We played a drinkin’ game at his house the next night and from then on we’ve been pretty good friends/drankin’ partners.. lol. I’ve had a chance to read some of his posts on here and some are alright, a little depressing at times, but his post about studying was just ABSOLUTELY ridiculous in my opinion.. but who cares what I think anyway.. lol. Anyway, I’m about to go back to bed.. but for those of you that read this thing.. Jeff is a really wonderful guy and the things he types about are absolutely true except for the fact he never shows everyone when he’s depressed.. he just acts normal in person. I guess he is able to get everything out on this site of sumthin’.. who knows.. well I can’t say I’ll type to ya’ll later, so I’ll just say.. Peace.

P.S. Maybe one day my pic will be added to the site..

First of all, today is the last day you can donate to [ Child’s Play ] so if you want a free cd of your choice (by sending me the receipt of your donation) today is the lat day for you to do it.

I’m so freaking sick it sucks. I think the flu chooses to hit me each year right before Christmas just to spite me. Of course this is also always right when I finally get a decent break from school and work. At least I can get some leveling time in EQ2. Even that can be a tiring venture. In case you were wondering, (which I’m sure you probably weren’t) my book is coming along quite nicely. Of course, right now it is a jumbled collection of incomplete and unedited Word files, but I’m new to this thing and I imagine that’s how the book creation process starts. I am hopefully going to be hiring an editor by this summer, so if you feel you are qualified and want the job, [ email me. ] Please include a resume and/or portfolio/brag sheet.

Went to Atlanta this weekend to see some of my family. It was okay. Sometimes it seems that the stress isn’t worth it, but then again, last year I took the other approach and drank various alcoholic entities instead for weeks at a time instead of spending time with family, so I guess I did it right this year. My company (my own company, not the one I work for) is getting so many artist applications lately that I can hardly keep up. We are even getting a few well-established artists. I might even need to hire another web-designer, so again, if you are interested, [ email me. ] Please include a resume and/or portfolio/brag sheet.

I forgot to mention that last Thursday was my company’s (the one I work for) Christmas Banquet. I needed a date. [ Natalie Portman ] didn’t answer my call, [ Keira Knightley ] was too busy filming or whatever, and [ Denise ] told me some crap about how it wouldn’t be fair to leave her kid and husband for me, but had we met earlier… blah blah… So I called [ Alison ] She apparantly thought the idea of dressing up really nice and going to a fancy dinner/dance would be nice (despite the fact that she is the complete opposite of that line of idealism. It went really well and we both had a great time (except for when I dropped the cheese tongs on the ground and put them back in the cheese.) This event was the first time where I could only identify three of the things I ate: mashed potatos, (which were in a martini glass by the way) shrimp, (which came on an excessively long stick that poked the top of my mouth) and meat (don’t even bother asking what kind.) The food was okay, but I guess fancy stuff just isn’t my cup of tea. Gosh I’m funny. We got some pictures taken. I’m waiting for her to scan the pictures and then I’ll post ‘em here.

I planned on writing more, but I’m about to pass out and I’ve still got some things to take care of here at the office.

“Blame is ’cause we are who we are. Hate is ’cause you’ll never get that far.” - Better Than Ezra

Until next time,

New Contest!

Edit- I guess I should [ link ] the quiz huh?

So do you think you know me? I was sitting here procrastinating the restoration of a SQL database and decided to see who knew me best. Some of this stuff is pretty simple and if you’ve done your JeffWichman.com blog-reading, you’ll know a lot of the answers. The others are pretty much a judgement of character. Besides, I find it interesting to see what kind of person people think I am. Anyways, the person with the highest score will win anything on Ebay for under $20. That’s a lot of free prize options if you ask me. Then again, maybe I’m wrong in thinking that millions of items is a large selection to chose from. Anyways, you can get anything from a [ DVD ] to a [ gun rack ] Whatever floats your boat…

Damn I’ve been busy as hell at work lately. Monday I went in at 8 and got home at 9, yesterday I worked from 8 to 8, and it doesn’t look like I’m going to be getting off before at least 6 today. We just got a new server and we have been going though the painstaking process of migrating data and maintaining it’s integrity. We have a badass server though. We finally got an enclosed rack (that my boss is going to let me put tube LED lights in) and now we have two servers (one for Exchange.) We’re getting pretty serious over here in the IT department heh. I’ll post pictures when I can find time to transfer them from my camera. Needless to say I’ve been working my ass off as of late. My brain feels like its about to liquify and ooze out of my ears.

I had a great day yesterday. It was the first one I’ve had in a while, and today is shaping up to be a pretty good one itself. This is suprising to me. Mind you, I’ve worked over 28 hours as of now, since Monday morning.

I don’t know if you are doing the [ Child’s Play ] donations, but you sure as hell aren’t [ sending in your emails for a free CD ] (I’ve only recieved one.) Come on now, I’m sure there’s some album out there you need…

I got a few emails asking how Haley is doing. She’s getting big and fast. She’s probably around 30 lbs or so now. Remember the [ Xbox headset incident? ] Well it turns out Haley has some strange fascination with the foamy covers of earphones. I bought a replacement for the Xbox headset (just a simple cell-phone hands-free adapter) and within a week she managed to mutilate that one as well. Put that on top of my expensive-ass Grado Labs headphones, she’s done quite a bit of damage to my listening contraptions. With that said, Haley is actually turning into a very sweet dog. She doesn’t get into much trouble at all really (maybe once of week she’ll chew up some paper towels or something) but for the most part, she’s a very chill, obedient dog. I will post some more recent pictures of her soon.

Holy hell, Christmas is coming up… I don’t know where it came from. It must have been in my tunnel vision or something, but I definately not prepared. Fortunately, this year Christmas doesn’t fall on a post-breakup 33-day family-breaking weight-gaining liver-destroying family-hurting alcohol binge. Last year, holiday spirit to me meant downing a pint of liquor and stealing a Christmas tree on the Eve before Christmas. (You gotta admit though, they weren’t going to sell it the next day or anything.) Anyways, I need to get back to work.

Can you live in the moment?
-watch the clouds change color?
Do you have music in your head?
Does it give you the chills
up your spine?
You’ll be fine. - Kevin Cadogan

Until next time,

Okay, here’s the deal.

[ Penny Arcade ] started this thing last year called [ Child’s Play ] The gamer community is always getting a bad rap from society, I don’t really need to go into it. Girls, media, the government. Games and gamers are one of society’s favorite scapegoats, but that’s another argument. This is more important.

Child’s Play is a charity set up by Penny Arcade in which people can donate either money (via PayPal) or gifts (via Amazon wish list) to various children’s hospitals throughout the country. Right now you probably don’t really give a shit, but please take 30 seconds of your precious time and listen to me.

Imagine a 4 year old kid spending his Christmas cooped up in a hospital. He’s sitting there in bed, being treated for things you can’t quite possibly fathom, suffering from pain you have never even came close to experiencing, watching a movie he’s already seen 3 times, while his parents explain to him that Santa gave his presents to them and that’s why they have them. Imagine his parents trying to keep their composure, forcing smiles on their faces. Now imagine the possibility that some of these kids have been in the hospital for months, maybe even longer…

I want you all to do me a favor, head over to the charity, pick a hospital, and donate a fucking gift. I don’t want to hear any shit. If you saved half of the money you spend a week on restaraunts, fast food, bars, or whatever the hell you waste your money on, you could buy one of hundreds of thousands of these children a gift that could tremendously raise their spirits on Christmas Day. Wavebirds (or any wireless controllers) are very good donations because kids can play if they are unable to be close enough to the TV/Console (for instance in bed.)

[ READ THIS LETTER AND SEE HOW IT CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE ]

I bought a Nintendo GameCube Christmas Bundle (comes with Mario Kart Double Dash) for the Children’s National Medical Center in Washington D.C. Mario Kart is not only a badass game, but it is fun for all ages. Plus it is a great multiplayer game that kids and parents/friends can play together.

In fact, [ send me ]your reciept after you donate, and I will buy you a music album of your choice. Please include your address and album choice in the email. Tell all your friends how they can get a free music album- I don’t care. Let’s do this thing.

For more information on the charity, check out http://www.childsplaycharity.org

Until next time,

Seriously, this is like the seventh fucking bad day I’ve had in a row. I don’t know what’s going on. My relationship with one of my best friends appears to be crumbling, while at the same time I still love her, and paralleling that, it seems that every new girl I meet is just the complete opposite of the feeling I get when I’m with her. One of my roomates just dipped out on us, throwing me off financially (just in time for Christmas.) Armstrong dicked me over and didn’t unlock my registration period until 5 hours before the period was over, which means I can’t register until January. I just got a B instead of an A in English 2100 because I made a 94 (the teacher has this fucking policy where 95-100 is A, 90-94 is B, etc) which fucks up my GPA goals. On top of all that…

Tonight I played at Cagney’s again and it fucking sucked. I’m not just being over-critical, it was fucking bad. I was embarassed. I’ve played in front of people before many times and never once have I had something as bad as this happen. I met with Aaron (drums) about 4 hours before we were going to play and practiced some of the new stuff we were going to cover. I was going to start out the set with “Basket Case” by Green Day. I made this neat intro with the delay function that was pretty trippy and sounded more “jam band” than punk. Then I would sing the first verse slowly to a clean string sound. After the first verse Aaron would start the count on the symbols while I cranked on the distortion and we would rock into the song as it normally sounds (and faster.) Instead, I fucked up the intro, Aaron came in on drums at a completely random moment and caught me off guard, and when I hit the distortion, my settings must have gotten fucked because it was just entirely too quiet, you couldn’t even hear it. I tried to work the amp while still playing, but it was either ear-piercing loud, or too soft to hear. By then we were half way through the song, I had probably fucked up at least 10 chords at various points, and I just stopped singing. The song finished and my “performance energy” had bottomed out. The second song fucking sucked because I couldn’t use distortion and Aaron played some beat that I had never even heard before that was about 3 times too fast, while also playing through various pauses in the song. After what seemed like an eternity, we were done. I simply said “sorry” into the mic and started putting up my shit. The only thing good about that performance was that I was actually able to stay up there throughout the whole thing. The whole time, all I wanted to do was throw my guitar down, kick the shit out of my amp, and walk off stage. I had no expression on stage (I probably looked fucking pissed) and I had no life in my performance. Tonight was the worst I’ve ever performed, ever. It was down-right embarassing and I feel sorry for anyone who had to hear it.

Mother. Fuck.

“You’re frustrated by the cracks in the pavement.” - Our Lady Peace

Until next time,

Just wrote this a few minutes ago, so there might be a few typos.

Circle:
She’s a boundless array, so magnificent and innate.
…First let me tell about the other Day…

Driving nowhere putting miles behind
Refining old memories to pass the time
Burning old stories, ashing the past
A nail in the road on the overpass.

[ ] Flat and Fragile- Slowing Now- Breaking Down- Idling- Dead…

. O .

Come, take a trip inside my Head.

ideas; chasing thoughts.
inevitable yet infinite.
tragically endless.
seeking the answer,
while searching for the question.

Fall to the fact that she’s indestructable.

like the ocean’s tide
attacking a sandcastle
battlements crushed by the wind and the sea
sound the retreat! fall back to the keep!
the salt and the sand breaching the walls
the curdling foam filling the halls
a child’s tear falls- afflicting, confirming
“Checkmate my lady, they’ve taken our king.”

Strong and courageous, yet lucid and abandoned.

like an orphaned child
holding her own
misplaced into solitude, such a beautiful girl
ambitiuously aspiring to show the world
how to stitch your way through a life full of scars
look at me sir, I’ve made it this far!
fighting to find reason, she desperately sings
“I’ll never give up” while she spreads her wings.

She haunts our souls, reason over fate.

like a troubled emotion
pouring our hearts out
dangerously close to breaking the rim
the spill was saved by the surface tension!
bound together by forces unknown
science explaining, religion condones
searching for answers, avoiding The Day
“Help me God, I’ve misplaced my faith.”

hope; desperation defined.
worthless and unconstructive.
tragically crushing.
waiting for answers,
while avoiding a let-down.

Come, back to your senses Now.

. O .

[ ] Worn and Weary- Won’t Give Up- Try Again- Moving- Go…

A push from the rear rolls me over the top
Faster and faster speed away down the drop
Stop again Never! to this I swore
Hold on a second, I’ve been here before.

…God-damn these Circles, need I say More?…

Until next time,

I can barely keep my hands steady enough to type, so I’m going to make this quick.

So I’m driving home this evening and I see a wreck in front of me. Noone else seems to give a fuck, so I pull over and ask if they need help. The people are freaking out and scream they need a phone. I call 911 and explain the situation and where we are. I go to the vehicle and the girl appears to be having a seizure. I never seen anyone like that. She couldn’t comprehend anything we were saying and all I could think to do was give her my jacket to keep her warm. I held her hand and tried to talk to her and comfort her for a little while. The passenger was freaking out and couldn’t really talk comprehensively. The cops showed up, I told them what happenend and figured it would be best if I got out of the way and left. I don’t know what her name was and I don’t know how she is.

So I immediately stop by the gas station to get some beer and some cigarettes to calm my nerves. Then I head home.

My roomate bailed. He’s gone. His room is pretty much empty (apparantly, he took everything he could carry and left the rest.) I imagine he is on his way to Colorado right now where his girlfriend lives. The fucked up part is that he never told me. He probably owed a good $500 in bills, and rent is due in 3 days. The even more fucked up part is he wasn’t just a “roomate.” He was a good friend of mine who I trusted and who I shared a lot of close conversations with. Last night was the last time I saw him. I was at the bar alone and he came up to me and just started talking about all kinds of things. I felt it was weird cause a lot of his friends were there and normally he would just spend that much time talking to me when all these other friends of his (that he doesn’t live with) were around. I bought him a couple drinks because I had been a little depressed and he made me feel better. That was that last I saw of him.

Fuck.

“Ten years older and I’ve finally found my pride.” - 8 Stops 7

Until next time,

I don’t understand how I can be on top of the world one day, and the next day standing on the edge of a cliff with the wind against my back.

Last night was incredible. I performed at a place called JJ Cagney’s here in Savannah with a full set (bass, drums, and extra percussion.) The bands before me were strictly “jam” music with little or no lyrics at all, and the crowd was really into them- so I was a little solicitous before I went on. I started out with “Retreat” and recieved an unexpected amount of applause. For the first few songs I just thought that maybe my friends had brought a few extra people that I didn’t know about it. By the end of my performance, I looked up and realized that almost every individual in the bar was standing around the stage (the back of the club where people usually sit had become barren.) The last song I played was a faster version of [ “I’m Not Alright” ] In this version, I kick in the distortion on the second verse and the bridge is very hard, heavy, and emotional. The songs ends back in a clean sound,As I finished up, I probably recieved the largest applause I have yet to take in so far. I stepped off the stage to numerous compliments that I have never heard before. Even some of my friends told me that they had never heard me play that well before. This was also one of the few times where I have actually been satisfied with my performance. I swear, if I could just get that feeling I had in that club for a living, I would be satisfied. I don’t want to be rich, I don’t want to be famous, I just want to be able to make a connection with people like that and be able to keep doing it for a living.

So I was on top of the world last night. Tonight I just had a bad night. I can’t even really explain it. I guess I’m just in a really confused state of mine. I know what I want, but I’m afraid to go after it, so I settle for something else. That’s the story of my life. Sometimes I think this lifeI think it’s going to drive me crazy one day. I’m so ready for a change in my life I swear. How does one go about starting a new life? because that’s what I want to do. I’m sick of the people here. I’m sick of the places here, and I’m sick of my life here. It’s not that I don’t like the people, places, or my life here, it’s that I can’t handle the redundancy. I feel like a dog forced to eat the same kibble every day of his fucking life. My option right now is to transfer to the University of Georgia, located in Athens, Georgia. But is that really escaping? I feel like moving four hours away from here is just a cop-out. Sometimes I think I need to move across the country to maybe San Francisco, or shit- maybe even to another country. My problem is that life, as I know it, consists of working, going to school, seeing the same people and places every day until I move on to the next step, which will consist of some other redundancy. Is this what life is all about? I feel like there’s just something more extraordinary out there for me, just waiting for me to find it. Maybe I’m just a dreamer. I don’t know. Read this quote, it says a lot about how I feel.

“Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.

Think for yourself. Question authority.” - Timothy Leary

That quote kind of explains my troubled view on life as it is. Sometimes we forget that we only live once. We get stuck in these fucking routines that are instilled in us by our society, the way we were raised, the way we are governed. I’m not saying let’s start a revolution, I’m just arguing that the whole “do anything you put your mind to” speech you get throughout your education is totally bullshit. I feel like society is programming me to do what seems most fitting at the time.

“If I kill myself, I’d be giving up my try.” - Goldfinger

Until next time,