So I’m a little short on cash lately (I’ve aquired about a $500 hosting bill over the last couplea months,) and I was trying to think of things that I don’t really have a use for (or care for anymore)
that I could auction off on Ebay.

I know most people have one of these laying around, but they can come in handy every now and then.

In other nonsince, I’ve decided to try and give up my caffeine addiction. Here, I’ll give you a moment to laugh…

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Okay smart-ass, Caffeine addiction is a serious thing… *sigh* here…

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Done? So yeah, since I was in high school I’ve had chronic migraine headaches. I think it was about my Junior year when I started to take a little pill called Excedrin Migraine to help prevent headaches. Ah, I would give anything to go back to those days where I only had 3 or 4 headaches a month. Anyways. As it turns out, one of the major causes of headaches (both mild and severe) is withdrawel.
Withdrawel comes in many forms but one of the most common forms of withdrawel known is caffeine withdrawel. When I learned this I thought it was kind of funny because there are 130mg of caffeine in a single dose of Excedrin Migraine. All EM is, is (god) aspirin, acetaminophen, (which is Tylenol) and caffeine. Caffeine is known to swiften the movement of the drugs as well as make them more potent or something. ( <- Great example of starting a statement out trying to sound intelligent and then completely fucking yourself over.) Anyways, so when you take your dosage of Excedrin, you are pretty much chugging three Cokes or drinking 2 and a half cups of coffee, or drinking one of those energy drinks. Yeah well currently I consume a good 4-8 of those babies (2-4 doses) a day. On top of the large amounts of caffeine-induced beverages I drink each day, my caffeine consumption ranges generally from about 400-1000mg of caffeine every day. Not only do I get even more headaches now, but unless I'm tweakin on the legal-speed, I'm a complete ass to the majority of people I see, and I get really worked up and stressed out about stupid things, which lead to more heaches.

The makers of Excedrin are genius.

They have produced a highly-addictive drug that not only relieves your headaches, but eventually CAUSES your headaches.

As for now, the writing is on the wall, but their Trojan Hors… I mean, their cop-out is the fact that they indicate for you “not to consume more than reccomended dosage.” Come on though, when was the last time anyone really thought Aspirin was going to hurt you.

Unfortunately, since the FTC controls advertising regulations for over-the-counter drugs (unlike presription drugs where the FDA requires them to make “fair” commercials that make the drug seem really scary and horrible. You know you’ve seen the ones where the overall tone makes you feel like
you just came back from a funeral, and at the end they tell you some of the horrendous things the drug can do you, causing all the viewers to joke amongst theirselves and to their company “why would you take that drug then HAHAHAHA.” Yeah, way to go Chevy, I probaly haven’t heard or thought of THAT one before.

FTC-regulated advertising is a little different. They stick Sergio from Decheras (I don’t know how to spell any of that modeling stuff) sitting there with his big gay smile and the pieces of hair hanging down in front of his eyes (no normal person can sit there and be all happy with fucking gel-petrified hair
stabbing your eyeball) telling you how amazing Excedrin is and how quickly it relieved his headache just before he beat off to his own picture. “I don’t care about doctor reccomendations. I tried Excedrin. and you know what, it WORKED (big dramatic smile that took about 30 takes.)

So burn in hell Excedrin - and that’s not just my mood swings talkin.

Until next time.
- Jethro

So I got to do the general website for the Engineering Division here at the Corps of Engineers. There are about 12 divisions in this district and Engineering is probably the largest. Before I eschew into my oblivion of ridicule, let me give you a quick crash course in the whole division/branch system here.

First, there is a District, I work in the Savannah District which covers most of the southeast portions of the country (meaning our district does regular work on various military/civilian installations) We also do work in other places including international. My section has an ongoing project in Korea, even though the two sides over there are about to blow each other up. Next there is a Division. Like I said there are 12 or so Divisions here. From Real Estate to Contracting, Internal Affairs, and of course the most important, Engineering. Within Engineering there are 4 Branches. Finally there are Sections. Each Branch has anywhere from 2 to 7 Sections. I work in the Spatial Engineering Section under the Support Branch under the Engineering Division of the Savannah District in the US Army Corps of Engineers. In laymen’s terms my job description means, “sit at a desk and dream about how much better hell is than where you are right now.”

So there you have it: Distict - thousands Division - lots hundreds Branch - a few hundreds Section - dozens Jeff So yeah, I did the website for the Engineering Division. You can check out the SPLASH DESIGN and SITE DESIGN I did I thought this was a pretty big honor, seeing the top guy of the Division was really impressed and pointed out how he was further surprised that I was just a student-employee and that I could make “the slickest-looking site in the whole district.” Meh. It’s alright I suppose, but I didn’t spend a whole lot of time on it. I’ve done better, but nevertheless I thought it was pretty cool to hear that from The Man in my division.

Phone rings, it’s him. I hadn’t spoken to him before, but through email. He’s a really nice guy. “The head of the Support Branch has a few ‘nitpicky’ comments about the site. She’s going to email you later this afternoon, great job again… blah blah.” “Yessir.”

At 1:55PM, I received the following email from Woman KrakeiaicantsIhavenoidea “I have finally been back in the office long enough to take a look at the web page. My comments/questions: 1. What happened to the info I gave on Value Engineering and AE Responsibility and Coordination? Both of these fall in my branch. Even though they are not sections, these functions and responsibilities are important and need to be identified. If you need the info, I can resend. 2. On the organization chart, my name is misspelled. I am also Assistant to the Chief of Engineering. Please change my phone no. to 5228 3. Font for Cost Engineering Section should match the rest (arial) 4. I do not think the branches need mission statements. The EN Div statement should suffice. Thanks, Woman”

Thanks?? Whoa now, I know that you just recently got the job of head of Support Branch, but Jesus. This email infuriated me. I can understand her being upset about the typo on her name (even though the last name was probably produced by someone with some sort of ancient keyboard just smashing random keys, you know, like “Darhaskthticka” - oooh not bad) and had quite large margin of probability for a potential typo. What I really liked most in here (so neatly organized in a numbered “Fucking-Nitpick” fashion) was in brilliant point number one. “My branch.” Lovely. These A/E groups are just little side projects of the support branch. Every branch has shit like this and if each one of them got their own website, the surfer would have no fucking idea what’s going on (like it isn’t confusing enough already, I commend you if you have stayed with me to this point.) I must also point out that each Branch leader (there are 5) is also an “Asst to the Chief.” It’s like just a bonus title. Kinda like the President being “Chief Commander” but it’s still the same job. Finally, it was requested that each Branch leader write a mission statement for their sections. All of them did so except this bowl of sunshine.

The jist of what I got in this email was: “Hey Fuck-face who spelled my name wrong, 1. You need to point out that there are more people who work for me. I am God. 2. Fuck you asshole. Oh yeah, I’m also Asst Chief of Engineering, even though every fucking branch leader is an Asst, I want to have the title by my name. 3. I really don’t have anything better to do with my time. 4. Even though you guys requested that each branch leader write their own mission statement, and everyone did except me, I don’t feel like it, I’m exhausted after spending so much time looking for font variations on the site- so let’s just get rid of those completely. Fuck you, Woman”

Intern note # 0346 - Humbleness DOES NOT exist. Prepare to bite your lip. Keep sharp objects away from immediate reach.

Fortunately for me, just as I was about to flip my shit, I found these fantastic OWNED pictures.

Last night at about 10:45 we took my dog Casey in and had her put to sleep. She started having a seizure, banging into things and almost hurting herself (even bit me a few times) and since she was 16 years and 2 months old we decided that was it for her (didn’t want her to suffer.) Unfortunately, on the way to the vet, she came out of it and was like her normal self. While I’m glad I got to say goodbye to “her” I almost wish she still would have been in a seizure when I had to let her go. I’ve gone through probably every logical ratiocination- she was really old, she was in pain, she was just a pet, it happens- but even still as I sit here at my desk, I feel as if I have lost a part of myself. Casey was my devoted friend for over 16 years. That’s since I was a toddler- as far back as my memories exist. She was there when I was a little kid who needed a friend. She was there when I learned to drive. She was there when I had my guts torn out by girls, when I graduated, started college and jobs- Despite the fact that as I grew older, and I spent less and less time with her, she was always part of my life in good times and bad. I don’t think there is any one person in the world who has been as unconditionally faithful to me as Casey was. She was always happy to see me when I got home. As she got older, she would have to put a lot of effort just into getting her tired, arthritis-infected body up to come see me (tail always wagging) and there were many times with me and my busy schedule and daily troubles would just walk right by her. (It’s going to be hard going home today.) I don’t consider myself the most sensitive of people- sometimes I’m cold as a stone, but last night (and I’m not ashamed to say) I cried my eyes out.

What really disturbs me is that I wasn’t even this upset over the loss of my grandfather last fall. I loved him to death, he was a really great grandfather, but I only saw him 2 or 3 times a year (despite his requests for me to come see him and my constant careless fuck-ups of never “getting around” to do it) and even after THAT guilt trip I didn’t feel quite as bad as I do right now. I know- it’s fucked up. Maybe I’m just a person who becomes attached to things. Casey was there practically EVERY day of my life- surpassing the amount of days with even the love of my life and my family.

There are two other things that alongside Casey really bothered me.

I was sitting on my back porch, and the simple sounds of the crickets and the wind blowing through leaves- the cars driving past the road- really made my head spin. It’s like one of the most dramatic events in my life has just occurred, and the rest of the world hasn’t even been scratched by a needle. It’s hard to explain this, but it really made me feel like I lived in some sort of acrylic bubble and all the pain, thoughts, forces inside of me were locked in that bubble, suffocating me. It wasn’t the first time at all I had felt like this, but it was the first time I recognized it. I wonder if anyone else ever feels this way, or if it’s just some kind of disorder I have.

Second, I think I’m really bad at dealing with sympathetic comfort. When I tell someone “I should have spent more time with her, I knew she was dying.” I don’t want to hear “You were busy, you spent as much time with her as you could.” And again, it’s not just recently where this troubles me. I know that that someone is just trying to comfort you and everything, but it all just seems to generic to me that it makes me more upset. Maybe this all coincides with the bubble thing. I mean, what am I supposed to expect? I mean, do I really want to hear someone say “Yeah, you didn’t even really acknowledge her these last two weeks, and your new job and busy schedule is a very weak excuse.” Maybe I do. Maybe I just don’t deal with death well- I still don’t understand how some living being can be alive and aware at one moment, and an oblivious matter the next. Maybe I’ve got some form of defined-pychoness. Maybe I’m just a fucking weakling. I don’t know.

I’ll be less serious next post, I promise.

Until next time.
-Jeff

Okay, I was talking with someone about this earlier. Gaming in general is looked down upon, by girls and the more “mature” people of course. These are also the people that think having a great time involves going to a club, buying a bunch of expensive drinks, and going home with some random person they met.

I’m a normal guy, I’ve got a girlfriend of 2 years (shes WAY out of my league too, she’s a knock-out, babe) We are getting engaged soon. I have a normal job, I go to college, I drink, I party, I have alot of normal cool friends who regard me as a normal cool guy, but when I want to get away from all the before-mentioned, there’s nothing better than sitting by myself in front of a nice engaging video game for hours.

Gamers are constantly viewed as underground lifeless geeks who are eventually going to kill somebody some day (the violence of course being spawned from the demons most know as video games,) but I think gamers are some of the most intelligent people out there, people with their shit-together, and agenda.

Of course I think society in general is making a change for the better when it comes to the view of video gamers. Unfortunately things like BMX XXX and DoA Extreme Beach Volleyball, and the sale of games like GTA to children aren’t helping us while we are in the spotlight, but people are starting to realize that video games aren’t just for kiddies or nerds. They are becoming a very big market of entertainment. Vice city sold 1.4 million copies its first week, grossing more income than most of the major box-office hits. I firmly believe in Parental Advisory, I just wish that more people would enforce it, or media would blame parents of children, rather than the developers. It’s should be no different from porno/cigarettes/rated R moves.

I will tell anyone straight-up that video games are a part of my life. Sure Jennifer will roll her eyes and tell me to cook dinner, but the fact still remains. Video games are my get-away. Some people like pot, I like video games.

Please send all mail to jeff@cousin-kevin.com

If you’ve got some spare time on your hands, check out Strong Bad’s Emails

and if you are a video gamer, read the comics at Penny Arcade.

Here’s a nice example of one of their comics relating to the Nigerian Email Scam

Until next time.
- Jethro